Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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