somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize