just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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