marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
