Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
