I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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