Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
