You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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