How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
