Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
