broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I love you. Go after that dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
