Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
