dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
