She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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