Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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