it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
