Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
