I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
