i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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