We need to rekindle our bromance
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ok first of all what the fuck
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
