i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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