Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
