Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize