he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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