I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's like heaven, but drunker
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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