my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
