I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
