were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
