A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize