just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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