weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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