my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
