I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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