just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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