I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
