a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
