I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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