He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
