My nipple is on Facebook.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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