Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
