Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize