she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
