A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
