i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
