I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
