You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
