All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
