Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
