found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
