Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
