My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
