That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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