True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
