i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
