theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you will always have a special place in my vag
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
