Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
