Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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