i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
