Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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