wanna go halves on a baby?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
