I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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