I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i will never coherently bang her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize