does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
