Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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