My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because Iβm single and itβs valentines Day...
Randomize