Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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(410): View more from Maryland

cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me

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(916): View more from California

do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

Fav 19 778 2011
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.

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(979): View more from Texas

I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.

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