I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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