Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
