the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
