When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's always time for handjobs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
