FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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