I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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