He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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