I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
