Non-Jews are for practice
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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