FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
