I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
