I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
