I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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