what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
