At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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