You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
