Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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