worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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