If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
