Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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