Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
