Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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