that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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