Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
