at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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