In America we eat man semen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
there is glitter all over my balls
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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