My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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