you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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