Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
