The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
