i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
