You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
