He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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