Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
