Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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