We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
