My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
