Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
