he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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