3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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